Kids boy ya just gotta love em

Snoops that they are. Anyway they are rather particular as to who I date.

Yes and tad bit over protective too.

I was instructed due to a bunch of jerks trying to date me, that from this day Dec 1 2007- forward all Potential Suitors must fill out the following application.  

Processing fee of $100,000 via check or money order must also accompany Application.

APPLICATION FOR PERMISSION TO DATE MY MOTHER

NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial statement, school history, job history, ancestral lineage, current photo and a current medical report from your doctor.

Section 1

NAME______________________________________  

DATE OF BIRTH______________

HEIGHT____________  

WEIGHT_____________  

IQ__________ 

SOCIAL SECURITY #___________________  

DRIVERS LICENSE #________________

HOME ADDRESS__________________________  

CITY/COUNTRY___________________

ZIP/POSTAL CODE ____________

Your Parents Info: Name, Address,

 Marital status, Criminal record information:

____________________________________

Number of years they have been married 

or divorced

 _________________

Section 2

Do you own a sports car? ___________  

Anything with oversized tires?__________

Anything with a mattress in the back?__________

Pornography?_______________

Whips, Chains, Guns__________________

(IF YES TO ANY OF THE ABOVE, DISCONTINUE 

APPLICATION)

Do you drink or do drugs?

 _______________________________

If yes How often and Why? 

Pot smokers may be exempt

__________________

Section 3

In 100 words or less, what does 

LATE FOR A DATE mean to you?

_______________________

In 100 words or less, what does 

DON'T TOUCH MY MOTHER, mean to you?

______________

In 100 words or less, what does 

NO mean to you?

_________________

Current marital status:

 _________

 If married discontinue application immediately, 

hang your head on the mantle above you. 

Have you been married before? 

Yes/ No Circle answer.

If Divorced explain in 

100 words or less WHY? ______________________

Section 4

When would be the best time to interview your:

Father? _____________  

Mother? ____________ 

Sisters?______________

Brothers? _______________      

Ex wife? _______________

Parole officer? _________

Section 5

Answer by filling in the blank.  

Please answer freely, 
all answers are confidential.

A: If I were shot, 

the last place I would want shot would be:

________

B: If I were beaten, 

the last bone I would want broken is my:

_____________

C: A woman's place in your life is:

_____________________

D: The one thing no one should know me about is:
_____________

E: When I first meet a woman, 

the thing I notice about her first is:

___________

How many woman have you dated:

 _______________

Do you brag about your conquests: 

Yes or No. Circle answer.

If YES discontinue application NOW. 

What is the current going rate of 

a hotel room?

_______

How do you know this information. 

Explain in 100 words. ________________________

Section 6

Condoms come in packages of (circle one)

         A:  10

         B:  25

         C:  90

         D: 200

         E: ALL OF THE ABOVE

How do you know? Explanation 

Required in full __________

Section 7

Organizations of Affiliation

Name of Organizations
 ________________________

Term of affiliation 
(how many years have you been a member?)
____________________________

Status in organizations
 _______________________

If you are associated with, KKK, 
Skull and Bones 

or any organization of same ideals and 

or mind bent beliefs, please feel free to 

send all information and list of organizations 

membership so we can take care 

of you in a proper

and timely fashion. 

Special Status is given to such organizations 

and it’s members. 

Unfortunately as an applicant to date my mother, 

you would not qualify. 

She has Standards !!!!!!!!

This is of course beyond our control.  

Acknowledgment of Truth:

I SWEAR ON MY LIFE THAT ALL 

INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE 

AND CORRECT TO THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE: 

UNDER PENALTY OF PROBABLE DEATH, 

SALE OF HARVESTED BODY PARTS, 

AUNT/UNCLE TORTURE, HUNGRY RATS, 

CARBON MANOXIDE POSIONING, 

FALLING FROM A VERY TALL BUILDING,

SKIN REMOVAL 101 

AND ANYTHING ELSE THAT COMES MY MIND 

AND IT TENDS TO WANDER TO PLACES OF 

HORRIFC DEEDS WHEN IT COMES 

TO ANYONE WHO HARMS MY MOTHER.

Signature (that means sign your name, 

IF YOU DARE)

_______________________

Date of Application 

M/D/Y__________________

If you are over 45 

or under 21 Please toss this into the garbage. 

If you don’t we will. Standards you know.

Point of interest: She has more then one Son.

Applications to be sent to the following

 Addresses for processing.

Son # 1: 

Medical Department of Frontal 

Lobotomies and Organ Removal 

347 YouNeverKnowWhereWeAre Rd.  

NoBrainier,  NoKidding  

Son # 2: 

Department of Defense and Torture, 

555 WeAimToProtect Ave.  

Swot, Aowhmm 

Son # 3 

Department of Assassinations, 

Private Enterprises

747 AtAPrice St.  

WatchingYou, ShortLifeExpectancy

Son # 4 

Don’t Get Mad Enterprises, 

225 WeGetEvenForYou Blvd.

AnythingGoes, Suite 30-30,

NumNuts, ForPleasure 

Respondents will be process in a 

timely manner. 

Those who are acceptable will be 

contacted in person. 

At that time another interview 

will be conducted to verify if 

you are the perfect man for our mother. 

Interviews will be conducted at random. 

Applicant may not be aware of the fact 

they are being interviewed 

by one of the above Interviewers.  

Final decisions will be made after 

said interview. 

The one remaining in tact 

will be granted close proximity to our Mother. 

The rest will be eliminated by 

various means of thoughtfulness.

Good Luck